Tag: emotions

our next now

January 24th, 2023

We spend so much time
waiting
for more time
waiting
for time to pass
waiting
for a time to feel whole

We forget the beauty
in living
the beauty
in breathing
the beauty
in just being

Does a tree wait
for its leaves to fall
or
for its roots to spread?
Does the sun wait
for its rays to rise
or
for its center to set?

Who’s setting the clock
to your life?
What happens in all those moments
you’re just waiting?
When did life become
a series of waiting for the next thing?

The next thing is born
in every now
The now is never waiting
it’s just all
If we lived every now
instead of waiting for every next
Our next would be now
and our now would be all

-Grace

Author’s Note – I actually wrote this while waiting for something :-). And then it hit me…why am I waiting? Sometimes inspiration is found in the tiniest moments. When I came back to blogging, I switched my tagline to “Truly, Deeply and Fully LIVE”…and that’s what this piece is about.
adrenaline

January 20th, 2023

We talk about emotions
All the inner explosions
But there’s a spark we sometimes forget
The hormones we just call “sweat”

The natural ignitions of words we can’t describe
Yet we run to something someone can prescribe
Do you remember what makes you feel alive?
Or has that become a memory used to survive?

I’ll add a little personal touch
Dopamine isn’t my crutch
But I live my life fueled to fly
A heart generated high

I train, compete and create
I listen, work and debate
All of a different adrenaline
A blend of my own feminine

A rush breaking through your own wall
A thrill getting up after every fall
It goes way past winning
Like a new way of grinning

I love the drip of sweat rolling down
I know that adrenaline is around
I love the breath that leads to a smile
I know that adrenaline will last a while

-Grace

Author’s Note – This is almost like a continuing thought from my last piece “athlete mentality”. I talked about “dopamine knocking on the door” in that one and this piece is like the aftermath of that knock. I love my adrenaline rushes throughout my days – all of slightly different kinds to maintain my inner balance/flow. I think we take our natural hormones for granted and forget what a true gift they are…those natural highs are what make us amazingly human and fully alive.
athlete mentality

January 17th, 2023

Shoes on the court
Trickles of sweat
Taped thumbs and ankles
Racquet in my calloused hand
The stickiness of a new grip
The sound of fresh strings on the ball
The connection to the concrete

Bounce the ball like that’s all there is
Play with the chain on my neck
Start the swing I’ve swung a billion times
Watch my mind go into automatic

Play the point
Reset the moment
Memory gets deactivated
Stillness gets ignited
Chase another ball
Step up to the line
Repeat it all a million more times

Competition is so hard to explain
But it pulls something out of you
I sense her across the net
I watch her play little games
My alarm goes off
I find the tiger within
I break the chain
Let her out
Forget sensing her across the net
Sense the moment instead

There’s always a choice
A choice to raise and pull ahead
Or a choice to let it get to you
Mind gets a little talkative
Feet start to bounce a little more
Score becomes heavier
The dopamine rush knocks at the door

I hear all the voices that have ever built me up
I see all the times I fought for my grit
I feel the fire inside, the one I learned to light
And that’s when I know, I’ll walk off the court with the balls

-Grace

Author’s Note – Walking off court with the balls means you won in tennis :-). I usually like to keep my two worlds separate…being an athlete (tennis) and being a writer. But I just came off a big tournament win and I thought I’d let my worlds collide :-). Competition has been a journey for me, but in so many moments this weekend I realized it’s a journey I will look back on with a smile inside and out. To show up for myself in the heat of the moment is the true victory, beyond the trophy.

High level tennis is hard to make relatable, it’s much more than what is portrayed in the public eye…it’s an intensity like no other and requires the highest level of mental toughness. I could write a million pieces on tennis and competing, and that wouldn’t be nearly enough to describe every aspect of it all. But for this piece, just remember “that choice” is a choice we make not just in competition but in everyday life.
story telling

January 13th, 2023

Used to stare
into the eyes
When that became
disguise
Ignited the inner seeker
one glance into what’s deeper
When that became
perfectly vexing
I went inside
to the mirror reflecting

They call it
people watching
I call it
story telling
There’s a hidden spin
you can stare within
They tell us
it’s only overthinking
But that doesn’t last
just go beyond blinking

One of us
will peek and look away
One of us
will critique and stay
One of us
will shuffle through the whole crowd
One of us
will stare inside even if there’s a cloud
All of us
will look somewhere
But one of us
will go beyond the stare

-Grace

Author’s Note – this was supposed to be about “staring at the ceiling” but it came out a little differently. I love how it came together though. I will be playing around with the staring at the ceiling aspect soon :-). I’ve always been a people watcher and last few years I’ve found a deep peace in staring within, so it only makes sense that I need more than one piece to fit all these lifelong/ever-changing thoughts…more to come :-).
creator consciousness

January 10th, 2023

structure and flow
fast and slow
boundaries and love
below and above
listen and speak
new and antique

We find comfort in believing in opposites
Until we look from a different consciousness
We say opposites attract and leave it at that
As if life isn’t a rhythm of waves, but just flat

Although we prefer a would you rather
Opposites are a collection of what we gather
Life isn’t a series of different opponents
Much more a recipe of specific components

I’d pick structure over flow, fast over slow
I’m finding a middle with boundaries and love
Living in moments below and perspectives above
I’d listen over speak, starting to love new over antique

There’s a common opposite, strength and weakness
Those words work together becoming your uniqueness
But that’s the truth with every opposite, they blend
Opponents are not the enemy, but the deeper friend

Without the flow, life would be the distracted kind of slow
Without love, there’d be no life to live below or above
Without a way to speak, connection would be antique
Without opposites, there’d be no creator consciousness

-Grace
hottest flame of fire

January 6th, 2023

Glistened red
Crimson blue
A flame spread
A fire flew

A picture of heat
looks like fiery red
Maybe a little sweet
or a passion finally said

A picture of cold
looks like an icy blue
Maybe a story told
or a feeling so true

Society’s definition of emotions
is simply going through life’s motions
Blue for sadness
and red for madness

They don’t tell you
the hottest part of fire
is that glimmering blue
beyond red, a burning desire

There is no definition of emotion
we’re simply a complicated ocean
Blue for experiencing every wave
Red for beginning to ignite the flame

We start with red
We heat up into blue
The flame ahead
The fire in you

-Grace

Author’s Note – I remember learning a couple years ago that the hottest part of a flame is the color blue. This fascinated me as it’s not really talked about; and because blue is often associated with the emotion of sadness and the thought of cold.

So, this piece started very differently than the colors of blue and red and the thoughts of fire…I’m still very much living my last piece, “doors”. But I love how this one turned out because blue has always been my favorite color – all its different dimensions and all the different blues captured me (the blueness is my eyes has become my favorite 😊) – never really loved the tie in of sadness though.

So, here’s my definition of being blue: I know we all have our own inner fire. I used to think that inner fire starts as wood and becomes a fire when we choose it, but maybe it starts as actual fire and becomes blue when we own it.
doors

January 3rd, 2023

turn the handle
hear the soft creak
take a deep breath
put one foot through
take one more breath
see what seems true
observe all the rest
leave the door behind
learn a few lessons
walk a few steps
venture too far
hit a wall
find the door again
lock it, no look back
hear a knock
over and over
easy to know who
with thumps so familiar
yet the door remains closed
then the sound becomes
more of a ring
and the heart listens
thinking bout turning the lock
ring ring ring ring
walk up to the door
feel the handle
walk away
walk back to the door
take a deep breath
open it once again
put one foot through
and pause
say one’s piece
make peace
with what’s beyond
the door
hear it almost close
behind thyself
take a deep breath
and wonder
how many doors
will stay open
how many doors
will stay closed
how many doors
will stay in-between
-Grace

Author’s Note – A little bit of a different style for me, but I wanted to play around with words…that is the beauty of writing after all :).

Often, I’ve felt comfort in hearing a door close and I’m learning to love hearing a door open. Doors open and close in life, it’s always kind of interesting to watch the journey. So cheers to finding peace in whichever way the door moves.
storms

December 30th, 2022

The whoosh
of turning a crisp page
The whirl
of setting an invisible stage

The rustle
of wind running through a tree
The tumble
of waves washing on the sea

The silence
of roots tunneling into the earth
The whisper
of a season’s new birth

The meaning of sound
hits us round and round
It’s something we let pass us by
yet we know inside it will always fly

In every moment you look
there’s a song to hear
In every lesson we took
was a harmony so clear

My name is grace
but my sound has a different pace
A verse without labels or forms
and a chorus with peaceful storms

-Grace
a piece of her-story

December 27th, 2022

Almost like a replay of my past

Part of a feeling that didn’t last
It’s funny how a connection can feel so vast
Enter a different timeline, find a new broadcast
Cut to the chase, maybe we rushed it
Exactly when did we breathe and trust it

Objectively, we looked like a glass unshattered
Feelings underneath told a story more scattered

History is more than a written script
Editing the now to feel like we clicked
Reading our story, when was I tricked

–

Sometimes I knew I was making it more
Trusting the feelings change in my core
Oceans of rocky waves always hit this shore
Ready to experience, I’m glad I felt it before
Yet it’s time to let go, time to soar

-Grace

Author’s Note – Acrostic poetry is a poem where the first letter of every line creates a phrase/sentence of its own, and I absolutely love writing in this form. The phrase here is “a piece of her-story”. If you break out the word history, it becomes his-story, so her-story is a play on that.

This is my story of a recent relationship lesson; I find relationships often are our best teachers even if it’s hard to see at first. It’s also a bit of a continuing thought from my last piece “this is what i’ve learned about love.”

I sat with this piece for a while as I was still figuring out “her story”, but I know it now and writing this was like a form of getting closure. If you’re reading this today, thank you for reading but also, take this as your sign to express what’s in your heart no matter what it is…closure is never found outside, it is always within.
this is what i’ve learned about love

December 24th, 2022

It’s all there is, all there ever was and all that will truly be. It has no end or beginning, no right or wrong way. There’s a certain flow you can feel, one that has no words or labels, but one that swims freely in the oceans of our now.

There’s a star I look at every night. And I think about all the people I’ve ever loved and wonder if they look too. I wonder if it’s the love in the star I’m seeing or the love of my journey I’m feeling. There’s that cheesy line that comes to mind that we’re all made of stardust, but more vulernably, we’re all made of what we trust.

I used to wonder if she would come out, the woman I looked up to inside of me. The firewood was always there, but it was about lighting the match. I forced it a few times, I pictured it many times – but it only took one time to choose to be her in every day. And the funny part is, she never knew when the timing would be right, but I did.

If there’s anything real in this world, it’s what keeps us breathing. Everything around us could be fabricated by our perception or some force bigger, but what’s within will always be real somewhere. There’s no clear answer; that’s ours to create. But the question will always be clear because something inside already wrote it.

This is what I’ve learned about love.

-Grace